How to Stop Letting Others Control Your Emotions

Have you ever had an interaction with someone where it left you thinking, “Why did you hurt me like that?” or “How could you talk to me in such a hurtful way?” or “How could you make me so angry?” If we’re honest I think all of us, at one time or another, have experienced these feelings. The one super-power we would all like to have is the ability to control how other people treat us. Unfortunately, we can’t. We are subject to the actions of others, the statements others say to us, and the attitude and tone in which they say it.   

Let’s look at these kinds of questions for a minute. Do you see how the questions are being posed to the other person? The overwhelming inference is, “You should not have hurt me by saying that.” or “You should not have made me angry by doing that.”

Do you see how we put the blame on the other person for making us feel a certain way? In doing that, we are giving them control over what we feel. That is a very dangerous way to live, considering that others don’t necessarily know what makes us upset, hurt or angry. We’re putting our feelings out there on a platter for someone else to upset or hurt.

God calls us to be responsible for what we produce, whether it be in action or in word.

“God will repay each person according to what they have done.” Romans 2:6 (NIV)

“You call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially,” 1 Peter 1:17a (NIV)

In an effort to take control of your own emotions, I would suggest you consider a different response. Instead of saying, “Why did you hurt me like that?”, a better response would be, “Why did my feelings get hurt when they said that?” or “Why did that make me so angry?” That kind of response is ME taking control and responsibility for my own emotions. Now I’m looking inward, examining my own reasoning and thinking about why I got upset when a certain statement was said.

You see, we know we cannot control what other people think and say. However, that means we can and need to be in control over our own emotions – not becoming hurt or angry over much of what is said to us.

I encourage you today to free yourself from being responsible for what others say or do. Also, free yourself from feeling angry or hurt over what others may say to you by examining why your feelings respond the way they do. Ask Father to reveal to you the reasons why. He will show you the events in your life which formed your character, your personality, your view of the world and your emotions. 

If there’s something in you that needs to be healed, ask Him, and He will do it.

Avoid letting your emotions dictate your responses, and potentially damage your relationships.  Take back control of your feelings.